whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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