Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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