oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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