literally had 100 drinks last night.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
