Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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