Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
