She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
