hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
