Non-Jews are for practice
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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