My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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