All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
