Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize
