Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
