There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
