another moral hangover. fuck.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
