So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
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I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
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Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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