ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
