I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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