Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
