This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
