Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
