The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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