Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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