the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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