She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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