I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
