he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
