Your tits are I can't wait for
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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