3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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