they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
