They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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