So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
