New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize