Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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