The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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