I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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