before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So many bounce houses so little time
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
