she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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