Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
