dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
