you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
