Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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