well you can't waste a boner
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
