Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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