Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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