OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
