your thong is hanging out like whoa
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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