She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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