our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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