"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
