i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
