Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
