so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
