I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
