I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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