So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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