He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
