Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
love makes seman taste better
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
