You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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