He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
