Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
