maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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