Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
