i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
