It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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