i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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