When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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