Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
