Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
