So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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