we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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