Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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