The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
