Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
