Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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