the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
