I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
