hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
